Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I see through liars

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Should the government solve the housing crisis by building large numbers of affordable homes to force the market downward? Perhaps $200,000 homes in an area of 500k homes.

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Consequatur corporis quos perspiciatis tenetur vel totam.

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

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I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t buy bullshit

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

If a non-LGBT man (of any age) from a Western country attracts far more mosquitoes than potential dates, what does that say about him?

I have a reading level above third grade

I can read

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Do the British people realize how much American people absolutely despise them?

I can count

I understand how hurricane paths work

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t cotton to rapists

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I actually pay taxes

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet